just one more kiss

Wednesday, December 12, 2007
11:54 PM

"Goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream...."
So now I am leaving tomorrow and we still aren't speaking. I guess the slamming of his car door was the last I will see of him until may. Fantastic. I think I am in love and have never had this pain before. I hate this...I hate it I hate it I hate it. I wish I could start over in September and make things a bit better. I can't hold off until may, this is going to be the roughest semester yet.

will get me through tonight

just one more kiss

Saturday, December 8, 2007
10:31 PM

You have the cutest smile
One I can't forget.
So kiss me one last time.
Before you leave by jet.

will get me through tonight

just one more kiss

Thursday, December 6, 2007
7:15 PM

So last night was possibly the worst night ever. I ended up at Phi Psi..and went to David's room. I started to cry because of my whole family situation and I have never cried in front of him before. Ruben saw me crying to and he tried to comfort me and his dog to, which was quite funny. I think David finally listened to me and understands what is going on but at the same time I think it really freaked him out. He also told me we can't do anything anymore (as in fooling around) because it's not right and because he is unsure if he wants to be with me or his ex-girlfriend. So now I feel like I am completely out, and this always happens to me. Some girl who is better always comes into the picture and I lose. I hate this, I feel like I wasted time on him and I hate that feeling because I feel like I feel so hard for him. He was the one who would listen to all my issues, make me feel better and be my best friend. And now because his ex wanted to visit him it brought up all these other things. On sunday he told me that he didn't want to get back together with her but I think talking to her more and more it has obviously changed his mind. Now I don't know what to do. My heart is telling me to wait, but my brain is really confused. I want to be with him so bad and I feel if I wait that maybe it will happen. I'm not going to stop living, but I don't want to forget him either. I don't want to kiss anyone else, because he is still the only one I like. I guess I will just have to see what happens. May couldn't come fast enough....

will get me through tonight

just one more kiss

Tuesday, December 4, 2007
7:25 PM

I am so tired of people complaining over the stupidest things ever - like dorms. So what if some girl keeps you up at night, it's college...get over it. There are people who have bigger things to deal with that is not petty shit. I never ever say that I am worse off than someone but I am so tired of people acting like they live the worst life ever just because of a fucking final or something. I am so frustrated with this bullshit. If people knew my issues maybe they would think that their stuff really is just petty crap. I mean, I get to deal with going home to a sick mom and a dad that doesn't face reality. I have the on again off again relationship with David so who the hell knows what that is...with his ex starting to come back into the picture. I don't know what to do anymore, he says that he doesn't want to start things with her but when I have shitty day he is talking to her for 3 hours and won't even get off the phone with her to talk to me. God, I HATE THIS. I commit myself to someone and tell them things I don't tell anyone and this is what I get. We tell eachother huge secrets and then I get shafted because I won't have sex with him. This is ridiculous and I am most likely being used. But I don't know, he is going to Spain and that does make thins a lot harder I guess. All I know is I never feel jealous when it comes to boys...or more importantly him. He talks to other girls but this ex is just something different. He spent 3 years with her, and you never forget your first love. Which sucks for me....because I think he might be mine.

will get me through tonight

just one more kiss

Friday, November 30, 2007
12:57 PM

I'm BACK. Life is getting so much better, and it is simply amazing. I went to a christmas party last night which led to some pretty interesting events that I am really kind of happy about. First things first, David actually responded to my texts for once which made me quite happy. My friend took my phone and decided to start it to try to get him to come over, but he didn't. We then ended up talking for like 3 hours...pretty much about how we really wanted to see eachother and everything. Then after all that, I ended up calling Michael. Not the best idea, but he confessed his love for me once again. Anyways..besides all that I am no longer getting evil stares from Vanessa and Maddi. Things are finally getting back to where they need to be, and I really hope I get to see David this weekend. Keeping my fingers crossed for now..

will get me through tonight

just one more kiss

Friday, November 23, 2007
8:37 PM

It's friday and I am starting to give up hope. He hasn't talked to me in nearly two weeks. I even sent him a Happy Thanksgiving message with no reply. I would of thought he would of tried to talk to me by now because we have a few days off and both of us are at home. I made a pact with myself that I would try to talk to him on friday. But now I am thinking of waiting a bit longer to see...and it sucks. I am starting to lose my faith of us even being good friends anymore, and he used to be my BEST friend.

will get me through tonight

just one more kiss

Monday, November 19, 2007
6:17 PM

I miss my best friend. The one I was able to talk to on the loneliest of nights.

will get me through tonight